Nicole Boyce
Blog Post #3
November 6, 2018
In reflecting on this class, the thing that most comes to
mind is interpersonal relationships and relationship dialectics. Interpersonal
relationships according to this class is defined as “the exchange or
interaction that occurs between people who are in an interdependent
relationship”. The relationship dialectics are as follows: connection vs. separation,
predictability vs. novelty and openness vs. closedness. These dialectics play a
role in all our interpersonal relationships, whether it be with a partner, a
friend or family member. Connection vs separation and predictability vs.
novelty especially come into play in romantic relationships. For me, I think
about the start of a new relationship. When two people are in the initial stages
of dating there is always an element of surprise (novelty) because everything
is new. Once committed to the relationship, it’s nice to settle in and get a
sense of predictability. It’s nice to plan on seeing your significant other on
a regular basis and know you’ll be in regular communication with them
throughout the day. Overtime, the surprise wears off and couples get into a
routine. Especially when couples are living together, for most relationships,
it turns into the “same old same old”. For my relationship, like many others, it
can create conflict. I like to be surprised and want to be surprised, while my
boyfriend it very much a creature of habit. He values “predictability” and I “novelty”. Connection vs. separation is also a
source of conflict for many relationships. We want to have a sense of autonomy.
We all want to have a sense of independence and ‘self’, though when in a
serious relationship, it’s easy to lose a part of our independence as we see
our identity blend with that of our partner’s. We want to be connected, while also
separated. Personally, I think boundaries play a huge roll in managing this conflict.
It’s important to maintain a sense of self by setting up clear boundaries (i.e.
not feeling the need to be at your partner’s becking call, maintaining relationships
outside of the romantic relationship and getting a healthy amount of ‘me’ time)
This can be a struggle, especially in a new relationship but it’s invaluable.
To keep with the Friends theme, like the videos we
watched in class, I found this video from friends that is a perfect example of connection
vs. separation. In the video, Rachel confronts Ross about attending an
activity, questioning on why he was so insistent on joining her. Ross explains
how he just wants to be with her and how he feels like Rachel has been so busy
with other things and he wants to remain close with her. In this example, Ross is
expressing his need for connection. Rachel explains how she likes to do some
things individually and sets up a boundary that this is one of the things she
perfects to do separate from him. Rachel is expressing her need for separation
at times. Enjoy!
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