“bullying is a complex
social process that often results in significant and life-shaping consequences”
(p. 52).
I feel that bullying is
becoming a pretty big issue amongst families. We think that just because we are
family that we can treat each other a certain way and that’s ok because that
person loves us and “just understands it’s a joke” and would never actually do
anything bad because of it. That is the wrong mentality to have. The things we
say and do really hurt others. I remember growing up as a kid and “bullying” my
little brother. I remember one day I was bullying him into playing football in
the backyard with me so I could practice my moves while carrying the football.
We were in the kitchen and he grabbed the closest thing to him to use as a
defense, which just happened to be a butcher’s knife. He swung it at me to get
me to back away from him which worked. I unfortunately was a bully as a kid to
my brother and sometimes to my sister. I have since stopped and our
relationships are a lot better since we have all matured and are adults. But
even adults can still bully each other.
A couple different
examples I remember are when my grandmother passed away, and when my other
grandparents and brother and father discussed where I was heading in life. So, to
first show the example of my grandmother passing away. When my dad’s mother
died my grandfather was left with the house and her inheritance. My aunts and
uncles all believed that he didn’t deserve to have any part of the house or
things in it or any of the inheritance. They would come in and take things and
when he would confront them about it they would tell him that because he cheated
on my grandma he didn’t deserve anything and that he was just coming back to
the family out of greed and money. My parents did try to help him become self-reliant
by teaching him how to pay bills and things of that sort. When my aunts and
uncles heard about this they talked to my parents and told them that they would
not be getting any inheritance because they were on my grandfather’s side and
just wanted more money than them. They bullied my grandfather and parents and
now because of this we don’t do family gatherings like we used to. Bullying has
literally destroyed many relationships there once were.
When I was moving back to
Boise from Kansas City, Missouri I stopped at my grandparents. I was only there
1 night and they called me into their living room and wanted to have a serious
talk with me. This talk consisted of them tag teaming of insults about how I
needed to be like my uncle who got a Master’s degree from Harvard and could
work a full-time job and go to school full time and sleep only 1-2 hours a
night. They told that I wasted the last 5 years of my life because I didn’t
finish school and that now I was almost too old to have a career because all
the companies would want younger applicants than someone of my age (keep in
mind I am not even 30). This conversation lasted over 3 hours long. They were
verbally bullying me as well. My brother and father did pretty much the same
thing once we actually moved back to Boise. Their insults were mostly about how
we have moved a lot and how I needed to get a job and get sustained with work
and then start school instead of doing school and trying to find a job at the
same time. I told them that the whole reason for moving back here was to finish
school and that I felt confident that I would be able to find a job without
having to quit school. I have a really nice job now and I didn’t have to quit
school. After about 2 hours of me trying
to calmly talk with them, and them raising their voices and insulting me and my
abilities and character I finally left the conversation.
I know that bullying in
families can cause serious and life-changing issues for not just the youth but
for everyone. I have seen this personally in my life and have seen just how
damaging bullying can be. The affects can have lifelong effects and tear even
the closest relationships apart.
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