Blog Post #1

“The Most Important Sentence"

Often times when people are talking to one another they are simply listening to what they have to
say, but they don’t add any sort of substance to the thoughts and expressions of that person. This
is a habit that a lot of people have gotten ourselves into. It can be seen as a linear form of
communication -- sender, message, receiver-- or a transactional method where we add feedback
to the mix. There is no feedback or substance in a linear conversations, however even when we
add feedback it is not always something that deepens the conversation and that is where people
are going wrong. In a TED talk that we watched in class it is clear that because of these
tendencies “we are losing our listening” all together. People always seem to want to know the
fast and easy ways for fixing things. We have adapted to these needs/wants, but no matter what
the solution is, people don’t seem to be understanding the difference between listening and
understanding. In the video, there are five exercises that we are given to try: having three minutes
a day of silence, realizing how many individual sounds you’re hearing at any given moment,
enjoying mundane noises, listening positions (active, passive, reductive, etc), and finally R.A.S.A.
(Receive, Appreciate, Summarize, Ask Questions). Often times the appreciation is forgotten when
having your daily conversations amongst friends, family, roommates, teachers, etc. The man in
the TED Talk says that if we can live consciously then we will have the opportunity to live
fully. This appreciation can help us learn to be more aware when we listen and be able to
respond thoughtfully.

In recent months, I have been noticing that this simple task of appreciating what my peers are saying
is getting to be harder and harder. Often times I realize later on that I have no idea what they were
talking about or can’t remember certain parts during the conversation. I originally thought that this
was only a bad habit, which in a sense it is. However, it seems to be a pattern in other lives ever
since technology has gotten involved in the daily life of people everywhere. In class, I was shocked
when the professor pointed out these patterns and where they come from.

In my Interpersonal Communication class we are learning about how we perceive self, how
we perceive others and how others perceive us. We are learning about the “actor-observer
effect,” which can be defined by saying, ‘for yourself “it’s okay because of this reason.’” In
other words, we make excuses for ourselves. We have stopped taking responsibility for our
actions and instead we cut ourselves some slack for the faults that we may have caused.
 I would always give myself the benefit of the doubt when I realized that I was not putting
my full attention into what someone was saying. I would say, “at least I know that I am doing
this and am not completely unaware of the mistake,” which is a terrible way to look at the
situation. Unless we can change our bad habits we are doing nothing but letting them slide.
If we want to change communication in the world, we need to start in our own lives. I have
noticed that in my daily life at school, with six other roommates, it pays to listen that extra
minute and give that extra bit of appreciation while my roommates vent after a long day at
work. Not only does it make them feel like a burden has been taken off their chest, but they
realize certain things about the topic that they didn’t see before. Simply having an in depth
conversation out loud about your day or an event that happened recently brings new ideas
and realizations to the surface.  

I believe that the concept of using R.A.S.A. is extremely important because it not only will
change one person’s bad habit, it will change someone's individual emotions in that particular
moment. We all know the feeling of being ignored or not cared about, which can make us feel
belittled or unworthy. On the flip side, we all know the feeling of having someone fully listen
to us, it is pretty amazing to feel heard and have your listener want to get involved in certain
areas of your life. It can be so amazing that it could change your mood for that whole day
or maybe even week or a year. I feel as though the concept of adding appreciation/compassion
into our daily life can truly change your self-perception, as well as how you perceive the world
around you.