October Blog Post

Blog Post #3

Kylie Gorder

The concept that I found most interesting this month had to do with the role that communication plays in relationships. I am very interested in what keeps relationships together and what rips them apart. There are so many ups and down that go into every relationship, and often we are left in the dark about what goes wrong in a “fight.” That is why I found the relationship dialectics so interesting. These three examples showed where conflict sparks from.

The first example we learned about was connection vs. separation. This was shown in class with a video from the show Friends where Monica and Chandler were getting ready to move cities to get some separation for their new lives, but Joey was not comfortable with the move. Joey wanted to stay together and remain connected to Monica and Chandler. This caused tension between the three because the couple wanted more time apart from the rest of the friend group while Joey was holding on to living across the hall from Monica and Chandler. Neither party was willing to compromise, thus jeopardizing the friendship between them. Another example of connection vs. separation could be shown in the show Young and Hungry. In this clip (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3kWEBDbTHk ) Josh wants space from his girlfriend for the night in order to watch the premiere of Game of Thrones. Gabby does not want to spend time apart so she decides she is going to stay and watch with him. This lack of communication in the connection vs separation area lead to Josh creating a huge lie about how he is spending his free time. When Gabby finds out that he just wanted alone time instead time to practice for a swim contest the couple is very mad and get into a very heated argument that almost results in a breakup.  

The next example of relationship dialectics that we learned about in class was prediction vs. novelty. Prediction means routine and predictability in knowing what someone is going to do. Novelty on the other side is the unpredictability and spontaneity in a relationship. The example shown in class was another scene from Friends. Phoebe went to change her last name to Hannigan to match her husband’s last name. However, after some thought, Phoebe decided to change her name to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock. This novelty was so surprising to Phoebe’s husband that to retaliate he legally changed his name to Crap Bag. This led to a big fight because they were both expecting a small, predictable name change but in turn got a surprise they were not excited form. Predictability can be nice when life gets busy, however a certain level of novelty is needed to keep any relationship moving. The problem occurs when one of the people in the relationship is expecting predictability and is taken off guard with novelty. This can happen in dining selections, night plans, job changes, living changes, etc.    

The last form of relationship dialectic is openness vs closedness. This deals with a person's individual need for open or closed communication. This specifically comes into play when both members disagree on the time of communication needed or go against the person’s wish to have open or closed communication revolving around a subject. This is the problem I face most in my relationships and I fully understand how frustrating both sides of the argument can be. Everyone has to draw a line at where they choose to share personal information. Conflict stars when those lines are at very different places. The example shown in class to demonstrate was a scene from Friends where Phoebe is playing the song Smelly Cat with her friend. The friend asked Phoebe if she would be interested in turning the song into a jingle for a cat litter commercial. Phoebe clearly says no, but her friend goes and turns it into a jingle anyway. This is a form of openness vs closedness because Phoebe was very open with what she wanted and yet her friend was closed off and did not listen. Another great example of this would be in New Girl (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yd0mPMEx5FE ). In this scene, Nick decides to open up to Jess and tell her “everything,” however Jess does not want to hear every secret that Nick has. Nick and Jess are not on the same level of openness and it is causing a tension between the two.