January Blog by Deborah Ahmuty

“The Most Important Sentence” blog post by Deborah Ahmuty                              January 2018

The sentence I have chosen to highlight is in Chapter 3 of the book Communication: A Critical/Cultural Introduction, page 41;

“We are responsible for sustaining, nurturing, and shaping the relationships we enter into with others.”

When studying Communication in the 21^st Century, it is important to have the discussion of ‘interpersonal relationships.’ When discussing Public Advocacy, this topic becomes the basic premise of all commitments and responsibility. When deciding who we interact with, we must make an assumption of the relationship to determine the level of responsibility we are willing to make. These interactions include all forms of relationships, depending on the communities to which we belong.  My communities include:

·         Family / different generations
·         Friends / different cultures
·         College / as a ‘non-traditional’ student
·         Public School system / my children as students
·         Single parent / divorced moms & dads
·         Neighbors/ neighborhood = city, county, state, country, and world citizen
·         Pet Owner / German Shepherd Dogs

Any choice to interact within one of my communities requires an interpersonal relationship, that I must determine how much responsibility I am willing to give in order to shape, nurture, and sustain it before I enter a dialogic communication.  For instance, if I am going to communicate with my teenage son, there are times that I must forego any preconceived notions that I ‘know everything’, simply because I am older…times have changed, and he certainly knows more about what it is like for a high-schooler now, than I do…it’s been 35 years since I was in high school! A quote by Light Watkins, a meditation teacher, in his article ‘The only 12 Principles you need to sustain a loving relationship.’ sums it up quite well:

            “What you know to be true is like the colored blob in a lava lamp: It may be true — but only for that moment, and only at your present level of understanding. Individual truth is fluid, so expect it to change based on experience. The same goes for your significant other. If you invalidate the other person’s truth (something that happens far too frequently in relationships), you invalidate their experience and understanding. Nothing will cause backlash and defensiveness faster than invalidating another person’s experience. If you can find a way to honor their truth, you will not only honor them, but you will find your partner more engaged and interested in working on the relationship.” (Watkins, 2015)

Although this is directed toward the relationship of a ‘significant other,’ I believe this advice is terribly relevant to all relationships. As discussed in our Communication book, on page 47, Praxis is important because, “as communicators, whether or not we’re consciously aware of it, our language shapes and defines our realities.” (Fassett, 2015) The way that I speak to my son, and the way he speaks to me, are both lessons to one another of a significant nature. It will define the experience and allow or disallow a better understanding. I must decide to engage in this relationship with the responsibility of knowing that I have the power to shape, nurture, and sustain that which I have become engaged.

References

Fassett, J. T. (2015). Communication: A Critical/Cultural Introduction, 2nd Edition. Los Angeles: SAGE Publications, Inc.

Freire, P. (1994). Pedagogy of Hope: Reliving Pedagogy of the Oppressed. New York: Bloomsbury.

Watkins, L. (2015, September 16). The only 12 Principles you need to sustain a loving relationship. Retrieved from mindbodygreen.com: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-21619/the-only-12-principles-you-need-to-sustain-a-loving-relationship.html