Blog #2 Fear and Manhood

    In Carlos Gomez's work, "Man up: Cracking the Code of Modern Manhood", he talks about how boys, then later, men aren't supposed to be afraid.  That as a child he was told to never be afraid, then living much of his life in fear.  As a male, I disagreed with this assessment.  Sure, I grew-up playing sports, climbing trees and going on adventures through the ancient forests of west Central Germany (and believe me, those places could be dark and spooky.  No wonder the Grimm Bros. wrote such stories).  I was surrounded by the narrative that men should be strong, to not show fear.  To be brave.  But the important part here is show fear.  You could be afraid.  We watched countless movies and tv shows about soldiers on the front lines who were seriously afraid.  Heroes who in the face of certain doom were afraid, but, and here is the key, they overcame that fear to save the day. 
     As a boy, I was deathly afraid of lightning and thunder.  My god it was loud, bright and scary.  I remember one thunderstorm in particular in Germany when I was about 7 or 8.  The storm was right above our house, so the lightning was flashing all around us, and the thunder would arrive in seconds, louder than anything I had ever heard in my life.  At one point I was in a ball on the floor with my hands over my ears, squalling as loud as I could.  I have never been so terrified in all of my life.  My mother heard me ad thought I was laughing.  When she looked in and found me on the floor, came to my rescue.  Both of my parents (and for my dad, a rare moment of tenderness) told me that there was nothing to be afraid of.  That the storm was just a lot of noise and light, but nothing to fear (not quite accurate, but it served the purpose).  I decided at that point that I would never be afraid of thunder and lightning again.  And I wasn't.  Well, truth be told, it is still a little spooky, but in a thrilling sort of way. 
     Later, in my teen years, I was really afraid of girls.  Well, not girls specifically, but to talk to girls.  The fear of rejection was a powerful one.  One that haunts men of all ages.  However, I learned very quickly that girls were never going to come to me.  So if I wanted to get to know then, it was up to me to go to them.  So that is what I forced myself to do. 
     In both instances, I chose to overcome my fear and push through.  And now I am afraid on occasion, but I have learned that I can either give into that fear, or I can move past it.  And while overcoming fear is not a "manly" trait (yes it is), it is one hallmark of being an adult.