March Blog Post

The piece “Family Bullies” by Keith Berry and Tony E. Adams talks about the concept of family relationships and how they differ by using the technique of autoethnography or self reflection. This piece emphasizes the one being bullied, Victoria and Tony, as the victims. They are not wrong, theses two are victims, especially in the stereotypical sense. I too felt pity for Victoria and Tony when reading this through, but a second time reading through my eyes latched onto a particular sentence that made me rethink my previous misconception of this piece “Victoria believes this happened primarily because of the strained relationship her family had with Lily, her middles sister, whom Victoria refers to as her “bully”. According to Victoria, Lily never seemed to fit in with the other family members” (54). This portion of the text reveals important things to consider when impacting why it is Lily acted the way she did. While Victoria simply saw Lily as the bully, she never considered that Lily could also be a victim as well. I know it's strange to think of someone who purposefully harms and bullies another as a victim, but I think in Lily's case she is very much a victim.

In the portion of the text I quoted above it is said that Lily did not fit into the family and had strained relationships with her family members. This raised a red flag to me. To me, family is all about love and support and people who accept you unconditionally as who you are. I can honestly tell you that all the members of my family are completely unique and there is no fitting in. Sure we all have similar looks and values, but we don’t all enjoy the same things. My mom is an avid marathon runner, my dad is obsessed with boats, my brother spends the majority of his time in a duck blind with a shotgun, and I, well I am just a broke college student whose one purpose in life right now is to try the best cheeseburger Boise has to offer. My dad is a conservative republican, while my mom leans liberal. My brother could care less about politics and I am a poli sci major. We are all completely different, but we all love and support each other. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like if instead of being brought together by our differences we were pulled apart. In the piece by Berry and Adams, they clearly state that Lily's differences from her family separated her and caused a strain on their relationship.

A child growing up in a strained household is more likely to act out, factor in that the household is strained because of that child and you are pretty much guaranteed a child who acts out and gets in trouble. While yes it is true that Lily is bullying Victoria, I believe she is only doing this for attention. I believe she is a confused child who wants to love and attention from her family members and when she doesn’t get it she turns to bullying for possible attention. I think Lily is just as much a victim as Victoria, just a victim of a different type of crime. If instead of putting blame on Lily they could sit down and gain an understanding of her thoughts, the family situation would be a lot better. I am not trying to make an excuse or justify Lily's actions against her sister. I am simply trying to explain them.

After considering the idea of Lily also being a victim I gained a different understanding of the article. I was able to think back to my childhood at times I felt out of control and at a loss for attention. One vivid memory I have is around the time my little brother was a baby. I was so used to being the spoiled only child that when all the attention was on him I acted out and locked him, helplessly in the bathroom. Of course I was punished, which I then found entirely unfair but now obviously see my parents reasoning. I think acting out is a normal part of being a child and while yes Lily might have taken it to an extreme, sibling rivalry and arguments are all a part of growing up. I think it is harsh to label Lily as a bully. Yes Victoria was hurt but and I don’t mean to sound inconsiderate but is there a chance she was overreacting? Now reading through this piece I have so many questions.

I know that every family structure is different and that I was fortunate to have a family that respected my differing opinions and loved me just the same. I am not shaming this family I am just offering my opinion on the matter of Lily being labeled a bully.

This isn’t the most academic source, but I found that article that was very interesting to me in relation to this piece by Berry and Adams.
http://www.today.com/parents/why-do-children-really-misbehave-2D80555524