March Blog Post

Madison Kemnitz

March Blog Post

Family Bullies

            The Journal article, Family Bullies, written by Keith Berry and Tony E. Adams really opened my eyes, and got me to think about both the relationships that I have in my immediate family, as well as my extended family.

            My immediate family is composed of my parents and my older brother who is five years older that I am. Having my only sibling growing up be a boy and five years older than me, my life was very different than most of my friends. Many people had sister very close in age, which allowed a play mate at all times. I was always bummed that I didn’t have this experience growing up; however, as I am getting older I have come to realize it is not all that bad. I skipped the struggle of fighting over clothes, toys, and friends. Luckily my brother and I have become best friends, and it really hurts me to see people like Tony and Victoria not necessarily have this relationship with someone that should be one of their best friends.

            Unfortunately, more than just Victoria and Tony struggle with issues regarding siblings and extended family, such as my parents growing up, both the youngest of five siblings, there was bound to be some type of disagreement. Victoria’s’ struggles with her sister, are very similar to my own mom and her older sisters’ struggles. They have a very hard time effectively communicating how they feel about a given topic to each other. They both feel as if they are always right and need to be in charge of every situation.  From stories I have heard, growing up everything was a completion even though they are eight years apart. I have heard countless stories about competing over everything, comparing bodies, and wanting to be the head of the family when their father was dying in the hospital. My mother was seventeen years old still living at home so she truly helped out a lot. At the same time, her sister was living across the country trying to control the family’s life because she could not accept that my mom was being more helpful.  Today, the two have improved a lot but some tenseness still exists, they both have families to be the head of which is great, but my grandmother is in a nursing home and it still seems to be a competition as to who is more helpful to her. I wish for their sake they would have sat on the kitchen floor one night and talked about their power between each other.

            One sentence that really stood out to me and contributes greatly in the story of my dad and is “family bullying” is, “Research also typically conceptualizes bullying as a deliberate subset of aggression that involves, and is possible because of, a power imbalance between aggressors and victims” (Berry and Adams, 52). My dad is also the youngest of five, all who had a very hard time growing up, as both parents unexpectedly passed away when my dad was two years old. His older sisters were all teenagers and really struggles with this loss. Fortunately, they all looked after each other, and will do anything for one another.  My parents together owned Xerographic of Northern Arizona, the copier company, and graciously offered my dad’s older sister a job as well as one of my cousins throughout the years, as owners. These occasions directly demonstrate how a power imbalance in a family can tear them apart. My aunt especially had a very hard time with this because she was working for her younger brother and his wife. There are countless horror stories of my aunt refusing to do the work given because she felt like she should be the boss of her younger brother. One time she told my mom off which ruined their relationship for 10 years. According to Adam Callinan, the number one reason that family should never work for family is that Emotion is always involved, and this was most definitely prevalent in my family’s company. When a family member makes a mistake they are not going to take criticism well from another family member, and rather than an employee being angry with a boss, they are then instead angry with a sibling or relative.

            After reflecting on my family’s experiences, I personally feel very fortunate to not have had to struggle through many family issues, but my heart goes out to people in the same situations at Tony and Victoria, or my parents.

Sources:

Berry, Keith, and Tony E. Adams. "Family Bullies." Journal of Family

Communication 16.1 (2016): 51-63. Web.

Callinan, Adam. "4 Reasons You Should Never Hire a Family Member."

Entrepreneur. N.p., 24 June 2015. Web. 28 Mar. 2017.