“Folk wisdom often suggests that families are sacred
to persons’ lives. Stories abound about the significance of the family system,
what families are and should be, and how family members should interact and
feel about each other.”
The discussion in class and the readings surrounding
family opened my eyes in a way where I was able to understand that most
families have their problems. Growing up, I never had a family of my own and
the little interactions that I did have with my family were very negative. I
viewed nearly all families as the “White Picket Fence” family as described in
class. Growing up, I thought that the ideal family consists of two children,
two parents, and a dog that lived in a nice neighborhood where they always got
along. This was always my perception because the little family that I did had
taught me that blood doesn’t mean that you’re family. I always wanted a “White
Picket Fence” family.
My thoughts and opinions on families altered in our
class discussion. As we broke down the “Family Bullies” article by Barry and
Adams I was able to understand that most families have their internal struggles
and don’t live by this “White Picket Fence” idea that I had in my head. We
began to talk about scapegoats in our families and how that is a social norm. Soon
nearly everyone on my group was able to relate and discuss how they had a
family member that was an outcast. My idea of a “perfect” family was destroyed
in seconds because I was able to learn from my classmates that perfect families
don’t exist. Looking at families through a critical lense helped me alter my
perception.
After thinking about this discussion I applied my
learnings to the television show The Fosters. This show is about two loving
partners who have children from their previous relationships, a set of twins
they adopted, and a girl named Callie who they are fostering. In the first
episode we quickly learn that Callie is the outcast in the family. She is beat
up, irritable, and views the Fosters as a “White Picket Fence” family. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cr2szCOl3D4
She doesn’t get along that great with anyone in the family and is constantly
trying to find ways to run away. I think a part of her enjoys being the outcast
because this perception of the family that she has, is not something that she
wants to associate herself with.
Three long seasons later, we find the Fosters accepting
her for who she is and supporting her decisions to fight for what is right.
Callie goes through a number of trials and gives the Fosters many reasons on
why they should put her back into the foster care system and not adopt her. The
Fosters don’t give up on their outcast foster daughter and provide her with
love and attention that she needs to feel truly part of their family. With time
Callie sees the many things that the Foster have done for her and begins
wanting to be a member of their family. She stops viewing them as a “White
Picket Fence” family and starts viewing them as a family with their own
struggles who are willing to work through them together. She is eventually
adopted and we can see in this clip https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1igxr2hLA5o
the happiness she is feeling to officially be a Foster.
I identify with Callie in many ways. We have this
perception of families that make us believe that we don’t ever want one. They
are perfect and we just wouldn’t fit in. This is, until our perception is
challenged by the people around us to make us believe that families are
important and nowhere near perfect. This folk wisdom idea is quickly shot down
when the people around us begin sharing their stories about their families.
Keith Berry & Tony E. Adams (2016) Family Bullies,
Journal of Family Communication, 16:1, 51-63, DOI:
10.1080/15267431.2015.1111217
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