Blog Post #3

         In week six, we discussed what identity is and how it is constructed. First, I want to consider a few of the definitions I found for identity on dictionary.com.

• the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another
• the state or fact of being the same one as described.
• the sense of self, providing sameness and continuity in personality over time

What I found to be interesting about these definitions is the attempt to constrain the complexities of what identity is into uncomplicated, straightforward sentences. As if using the term “sense of self” isn’t ruthlessly ambiguous. Identity isn’t about achieving some brilliant knowing about yourself, it is a process that is continuous and intentional.

In the excerpt from Crooked Room by Harris Perry he saids, “...[the] quest is about carving out a life that suits her authentic desires rather than conforming to the limiting, often soul-crushing expectations that others have..” (Perry, page 1) I have an obsession with authenticity and how it translates into all the systems in our constructed social worlds. Authenticity demands genuine character, which can be excruciatingly vulnerable. In order to be genuine, you have to let people; acquaintances, friends, co-workers, romantic partners, into who you really are and allow them to see that version of you. This requires you to take ownership of aspects that contribute to your identity; like your values, beliefs, and attitude.

The risk in this is judgement, and with judgement comes fear. Fear combats authenticity with a loud voice that convinces us we are not worthy of the connection that comes from allowing ourselves to be really seen. In the excerpt from Man Up by Andres Gomez he saids, “I spent so much of my life worrying about everything, overwhelmed by the most  paralyzing fear.” (Gomez, page 3). Fear quite literally, is a roadblock in the pursuit of self identity.

As I stated before, crafting our identity is intentional - so how does one deliberately overcome fear? Researcher and author, Brene Brown, has done extensive research to answer this question. In a Ted Talk called The Power of Vulnerability, in reference to her research, Brown refers to those living without that fear, as the wholehearted. The wholehearted have a strong sense of worthiness - they believe they are worthy of love and belonging. They have a sense of courage, which allows them to own their identity and story with their whole heart. Lastly, they have compassion to be kind to themselves and then others.  Because if we can't learn to be kind to the darkest parts of us, we do not have the capacity to be empathetic towards others. This way of being demands great vulnerability, which is not comfortable, but entirely necessary.

I believe that the first step in constructing your identity is recognizing, trusting, validating, and practicing authenticity. This means fueling feelings of worthiness, radiating courage, and having empathy for yourself and others. There are other contributing factors like your culture or pressure from societal norms and media. However, those are easier to overcome or make sense of, when there is an authentic foundation to refer to.