Molly Mundell
COMM160
“Where
bullying stripped me of my own sense of identity, forgiveness gave me the
strength to heal from the past hurt. [Forgiveness] also gave me the ability to
see that she and the other bullies I have encountered are not monsters, but
flawed humans in need of grace from the ones they hurt.”
This statement comes from Victoria, who
shares her story of her estranged relationship with her sister, Lily. For
years, Victoria carried the burden of resentment towards her sister for the way
she had treated her and other family members throughout her childhood. After
struggling with the pain she had experienced for so many years, her and Lily
had a talk in their home kitchen on the night of Victoria’s graduation. They
have an open and honest conversation about the conflict between them that has
shoved a wedge between them. They both admit that their relationship has been
terrible and even share a few laughs. I believe that this interaction allowed
for Victoria to experience some closure on this traumatizing relationship
between them and gave her the ability to analyze her role in the relationship
and how she could have treated Lily differently. Understandably, she distanced
herself from the negativity that came with her sister’s presence but in turn,
this divide was something that fueled Lily’s anger and this isolation made the
problem even worse. Victoria doesn’t necessarily regret the way she treated Lily
but definitely understands that she could’ve handled the situation better and
been Lily’s friend and tried to understand where she was coming from.
Experiencing this kind of conflict so early
on in life is common for most of us. A majority of people experience bullying
one time or another in their life. I have experienced bullying, not from my
peers but from my family, similarly to Victoria and Tony. I didn’t realize
until I read this journal that I had in fact experienced bullying. I didn’t
know that bullying could take form in familial relationships. I always
considered the definition of bullying to be in the context of children in
school. I wasn’t bullied in any way that was traumatizing in school, but
looking back on my past with a new found understanding of what bullying is, I
can see that I have dealt with my fair share of experiences that could be categorized
as bullying from my experiences with family. It really opened my mind to why I
am the way I am today from my past experiences of being scrutinized and teased
for everything about myself and how I still have feelings of shame surrounding
my sexuality because of how my family has chosen to ignore it or tease me for
it. This journal has given me a lot to process about my past, but I feel like I
have recovered from most of the trauma I experienced in the past regarding my
family and their scrutiny towards me. So I’m good.
“The other bullies I have
encountered are not monsters, but flawed humans in need of grace from the ones
they hurt.” This statement was particularly powerful to me. It is something
that I learned a long time ago but I always could use a reminder of.
Forgiveness really is the thing that gives us power over situations that have
taken it away from us. Every human being has a mind and feelings, no matter how
hard they try to suppress them. And when we try to understand the thoughts
behind one’s actions, especially harmful actions or words, we see that they are
hurting inside. They way that they treat others is usually how they treat
themselves and how they value themselves. It’s really sad. Being a victim of
bullying, it is difficult to humanize your bullies because you see them as some
heartless monster, but when you come to terms with the reality that they are
also victims of bullying themselves, you can kind of see where they are coming
from and feel bad for them.
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