November Post

Before break, we discussed families and culture in class. This was a very interesting topic for me because everyone has a different experience with each. For me, family is a big part of my life. I have had many things happen to me and no matter what it was my family stood by my side.  While reading Berry and Adams thoughts, a quote stood out to me. This quote was, “The trauma of bullying entails not only the hurt of the attacks in the present, but the scars and memories that remain for victims, and their fear of possible reprisal in the future” (Berry and Adams). From a person who has been bullied before, I can say this is true. At the time of the bullying, it hurts when things are being said about you but even in the future when someone says that key word it can bring back memories that hurt you. What I found interesting in this paper was that bullying in families. I always knew there was teasing and whatever happening in families but I would never characterize it a bullying. Growing up with two sisters, we would always be teasing each other and sometimes physically attack each other but it was never intentional. When I think of different cultures and their families, I can see how family bullying can take place. Just having people tell me stories about what they have seen in a variety of countries has made me believe that family bullies and culture does relate.


A number of child-rearing styles and family dynamics are evident in the creation of the family bully. Children learn first from their family the expectations, behaviors, and either effective or ineffective ways of interacting with others. Children who come from backgrounds, which are authoritarian, harsh, and physically punitive, tend to manifest bullying behaviors in later life. These children tend to be ineffective in establishing healthy relationships with others due to the inappropriate manner (i.e., physical aggression) in which they first learned to interact. Families that tend to overly control, dominate, and shame their children also tend to produce bullies in later life. The type of parental role model also plays a factor in building bullying behavior. Parents who are overly aggressive and abusive to each other set the tone for future interactions of their children with their peers and later with their own families. Again, these children model their own behavior to exactly what they see in the home as a tool to get what they want. This negative cycle of behavior affects siblings and parents, and may spill over into the school environment as well. It can lead to anxiety, depression, and various forms of antisocial behavior. Siblings from these types of environments also tend to victimize each other.


Children who lack attachment to parents, are neglected or abused, and/or come from highly volatile and dysfunctional environments are under a great deal of stress as a result of the lack of predictability around them. Likewise, children from extremely permissive environments are at risk as well. These children will tend to resort to the same tactics they see successfully used in this environment to gain some semblance of control and stability. Unfortunately, this tends to ripple out into other areas of their lives, such as school, work, and eventually their own families. This is very much a cyclic phenomenon.
As a long-term result, family bullies tend to have no conception of the feelings or needs of others. The physical, emotional, and psychological well-being of their victims are totally irrelevant to them and in many cases are used as strategies of attack and eventual conquest. The spouse who terrorizes or intimidates and the child who oppresses and dominates siblings or other family members are both driven by the compulsive and destructive need for control. Although they appear compassionate and caring, in reality they are toxic and destructive to themselves and their families.

Research has identified three kinds of families and their relationship to bullying. The three types of family structures are the brick-wall, the jellyfish, and the backbone. The brick-wall family is concerned with order, control, obedience, and a hierarchy of power. The jellyfish family lacks a core family structure and exists within a laissez-faire atmosphere. The backbone family provides consistent control with an opportunity for discovery.

I really think that it depends on the family dynamic when talking about family bullying. I was raised in a very loving and supporting family and this helped with the way I communicated with my family. I know many people who have experienced family bullying and they are usually from a broken family, who doesn’t support them or from a different country. Family bullying is an awful thing and we should really try to end it.