November Blog - Bully Sister

As usual, we discussed important issues this month in class. What stood out for me the most on our readings and discussions, was the article "Family Bullies" by Keith Berry and Tony E. Adams. It made me think about my own life and questions arose: Am I a bully? Was I ever bullied? Thankfully, the answer to both of these questions is no. Growing up with quite strict parents - my dad is a military officer and my mom a sociology professor - bullying was never tolerated at all and I knew at a young age that mental and physical abuse of other is wrong. I witnessed some bullying at school, but never thought people would be bullied in their own homes, by a family member. Family bullying, like in Victoria's example, can be as damaging and leave even more painful scars on an individual than bullying at school would. The problem is, there is no escape when a family member happens to be the bully and one has to live in a constant fear.

Bullying can become a cycle that is hard to end. When in the example on "Family Bullies", Victoria states that she later acknowledged that her behavior towards Lily was "a form of bullying", although more of a defensive and isolating type rather than active and offensive. Cycle like this easily grabs the whole family into it, and once someone, in this case the bully Lily, is seen as "the enemy", Lily probably got more threatened and aggressive. Victoria and Lily's family didn't have any other problems, but often there is something else going on in a bully's family that triggers one into bullying others. I was happy to read the semi-happy ending of Victoria's story: "However, the bitterness has left their relationship and they are working on a friendship." I personally think that building and maintaining a loving and respecting relationship with family is one of the most rewarding things in life. No relationship is perfect, but also nobody should have to stand bullying anywhere, especially in their own home.

Emma Hyyppä

Reference: Keith Berry & Tony E. Adams (2016) Family Bullies, Journal of Family Communication, 16:1, 51-63, DOI: 10.1080/15267431.2015.1111217