September blog post- Carlos Andres Gomez & What it means to be a man (Molly Swenson)

What it Means to be a Man 

I am the type of person that likes to get ahead on readings when I can, so on Monday I sat down and did the readings for Thursday. I had been considering for a while what I should write about for this post because we have had a lot of great material to read, but nothing had moved me to write anything. Carlos Andres Gomez’s chapter titled “Fear: Beneath the Facade” assigned for Thursday struck me immediately and I knew it was something I needed to discuss. I even looked into some of Gomez’s other work on the same topic- manhood. He opens his chapter with a brief but powerful statement, “Men are not allowed to be afraid.”

This topic has been on my radar for quite a while now and that line really resonated with me because it reminded me of a video that I just watched last week. The video is titled “American Man” and is a short film entered in MTV’s Look Different Creator Competition. I will link it at the bottom of this post so you can all watch it too if you would like. It is a six minute video that focuses on our society’s social construction of what it means to be a man. It is filled with statements just like Gomez’s. Avoid all things deemed feminine, lift weights, do not cry, do not open up emotionally. There has been a lot of focus on the pressure society puts on women look and act certain ways and I feel that sometimes we can neglect to recognize that men are feeling this pressure as well. I asked my friend Cole if he has ever acted a certain way because of the pressure to “be a man.” He said that when he played soccer anytime he would get injured, not matter how severe it was or how badly it hurt, he always made sure to just get right up and tell people he was fine. He did not want to be perceived as weak because that is not what men do.

In 2014 Emma Watson gave a UN address announcing the campaign He for She. In her speech Watson discussed the negative consequences that a lack of gender equality caused for not only women, but men as well. There are men suffering from depression and other mental illnesses and men who have taken their own lives simply because men are not supposed to share their feelings. Men should not reach out and ask for help. I often look around at the men in my life and worry that they are feeling this pressure. Women are encouraged to share their feelings and told that it is ok to cry. There have been times in my life when I have had a rough day and people have told me to cry for a little while because it would help me feel better. Why are we not doing the same for men? We are all human and capable of experiencing emotion, why should our social construction of gender determine how those emotions are expressed?

I have two little brothers that are more comfortable in a dance studio than they are on a basketball court. The kids are school have made fun of them and told them that “boys don’t dance.” Boys play sports like football and basketball. But why? Why have we decided on these arbitrary standards for manhood or manliness? After reading Carlos Andres Gomez’s experiences struggling to live up what it means to be a man, I think this is an important topic that we need to start discussing.

American Man- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJ-Pyhk7GQA