September Blog Post

"My mom had always fostered this idea in me that I was brave, which actually created a lot of anxiety. For years I was daunted by the expectations, as though I had to live up to her idea of who she thought I was (although I knew that I was anything but)."

Before this quote Gomez talked about how he had this perception of life, he was always scared of life. Scared that he would never make friends, never get a girlfriend, or that he wasn't smart enough. He was a guy filled with anxieties, his mom though, told him he was brave. I believe she did this to be positive, to be an encourager. Unfortunately though this only heightened his anxieties. It sounds like he never told his mom though that her telling him that made him feel that way. This reminded me of Goffman's Stage  Metaphor. The metaphor is that we have a front of stage and back of stage. The front of stage is the self that we present to others, the one that we show. Then the back of stage is the hidden self, the self that we only show to a select few or no one. For Gomez his scared side was something he chose to leave in his back stage. His reason was that he was expected to be brave by his mother, because it a norm for boys to be brave. In our society boys are not expected to be leaders, they need to be assertive, and not at all timid. These socially acceptable norms caused Gomez to experience anxiety and made him feel unworthy to be himself. Unfortunately these feeling that he was experiencing are far too common with many people.

When I read this article it reminded me of boys of the LDS faith. Many of them are expected to serve missions when they turn 18. The religion treats it like a right of passage and if you don't go on one you are seen as failure to the religious community. Growing up in Boise there are many Mormon people, and grow up with many boys who were Mormon. Some of them didn't want to go on missions or didn't feel ready. Many of those boys despite those doubts went, they also never told anyone that they didn't want to go, they keep that a part of their backstage. They are afraid to speak up against the norms of their community, because the backlash would be so powerful. Not only would it affect the individual who decides not to go, but also the family. Many other people apart of the LDS community then blame the  family. They believe the family didn't teach their child well enough to feel comfortable to go on a mission. The feeling of not only wanting to go on this mission would make everyone involved feeled lesser.

These norms constructed either by society as a whole or organizations cause individuals to feel ashamed of themselves. This means that people start to become afraid to share how they feel and push emotions and ideas to their backstage. I believe that society is moving to a more forward thinking place. Where we are more willing to accept those who are thinking against the social norm. Organizations like religion may not be moving at the pace of those who are not apart them. I hope though that we do come to place where we can accept people for who they are and how they are feeling.