November Blog Post: Families

Families, we all have them. And I think most of us would say that our family is made up of ALL different kinds of people, those who we did not get to choose to be related to. I can personally say that my brother has a few cousins who I choose not to associate myself with (they are my cousins too; I just don’t like to admit it).

Communication within a family is very unique because they are relationships we are obligated to be in those of which are not always ideal but we must live with it anyways. However, it has been argued by Keith Berry and Tony E. Adams in Family Bullies that “family relationships should be understood as chosen voluntary, and less obligatory relationships…” as well as the harm that can be caused when we consider relationships to be involuntary. Along with that, family members should be able to remove themselves from a situation with bullying in it without being shamed for it.

SOOO what does this all mean? I’ve obviously been doing this whole “family” this wrong because I feel obligated to speak with those even when I would rather not. Not because they are annoying (well, they are that too) but more so mean! This is the idea of family bullying. Berry and Adams believe that in the case of family bullies, we should not simply walk away, but reevaluate “the canonical, nonovulatory understanding and social importance of those relationships, especially in extant research in every day conversation.” Which basically means, don’t bash your family to others in day to day conversations because that will only create more problems.

That was a lot of information and you all are probably feeling like not the best family member, don’t worry, me too. Just remember this, in a couple weeks at the dinner table on Christmas, instead of ignoring that rude and obnoxious cousin or uncle try to remove yourself from the situation and evaluate the importance of the relationship. It is OKAY to sit at opposite ends of the table from that person and focus on the communication with those who you choose to be around. We all have those people in our family, but the way we go about handing those individual speaks volumes about our ability to be effective, respectful and loving communicators within a family setting.